It’s Not About Behaviors It’s About Relationships

In the previous post I said, “Now, I’m more able to be kind to myself when I struggle with pausing, or slowing down–and still be kind when I slip and don’t.”

The importance of self-compassion and kindness can’t be overstated when it comes to changing habitual reactions and responses. I’ve been able to change food habits because self-compassion changed my relationship to myself and eventually to food and eating; it changed the relationship from an adversarial one to one that combines affectionate curiosity and lovingkindness.

Self-loathing and self-hatred are big components of addictive eating behaviors, and I imagine of all addictive behavior. I spent years focused on the behavior, on changing it, stopping it and blamed myself bitterly every time I didn’t change. Self-compassion is about forgiveness and acceptance, and I see the fruit of bringing mindful attention to myself in a gentle, loving way is a change in habitual thoughts and actions.

It’s important to remember there are no goals in meditation. It took me a long time to get out of the mind set of meditating for something, meditating because I wanted something. There are no goals but there are consequences. When you are kind, gentle and affectionate with yourself it truly changes everything–and it’s always in your power to do so. Every moment offers an opportunity to start again.

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