My struggle to understand my eating disorder and obsession with food continued in much the same way it always had until recently. I’m not an active bulimic, and haven’t been for over 25 years, but I have binged on high-carb foods since my Type 1 diagnosis 23 years ago. Those episodes were more frequent when I was first diagnosed, but they continued to intermittently pop up and freak me out until about a year ago, when I turned an emotional/spiritual corner.
I can’t point to one event or experience that changed my mental state– it was a combination of activities that came to fruition after years of practice: mindfulness meditation practice, making art and writing poetry. I’ve done all 3 for over 25 years, and my creative work for over 50 (I’m 56). I believe what changed my state of mind was my commitment, especially my commitment to meditation. Meditating opened my heart and transformed my reactions to stress and anxiety. I dared to believe that the act of sitting in silence, as well as being creative, are inherently good (rather than believe my internal tapes that told me they were selfish). I believed in it because I experienced the results of practice myself, and over time, I made the commitment to do all of them every day. Sometimes I miss a day or 2 but it’s the intention to practice that matters, and intention bears fruit.
I didn’t realize change alone. I have a supportive circle of friends. Find like-minded people to support you. Even a few good friends who love, guide and encourage you, make a great difference.
Suggestion for the Day: Ask yourself what practice in your life you want to commit to- pay attention to what comes up. Then make a commitment.